Monday, November 2, 2009

Samuel Angus - October 21, 2009

I woke up on Tuesday, October 20th and lay in bed thinking about the day, talking to the kids and giving them jobs to do. As I lay there alone on the bed, it suddenly dawned on me that I hadn't felt Samuel move for a while. I called my midwife, Desiree.

We decided I should go to the birth center and let her listen with the doppler. The birth center was closed that day and I had the kids wait in the van.

I lay on the bed in the birthing suite that I had dreamed of having a baby in. It was so surreal, that I would find out that he had died in this very room. The very room that I had daydreamed about having Samuel in.

It felt so cruel.

I lay there staring at the ceiling, tears rolling down my cheeks as Desiree listened in vain for a heartbeat. She was crying too.

I met my husband at the local hospital to have an ultrasound to confirm Samuel had died. I was 32 weeks. We went home and packed our bags and went to the hospital to be induced.

Samuel Angus was stillborn at 7:25 am October 21, 2009. He weighed 5 lbs 9 oz and was 18 inches long.

He was beautiful.

4 comments:

The Tellinghuisen Family said...

Oh Debra - I have no words really. Just tears. I will be praying for you, and thinking of you and your family as always. God bless little Samuel :)
BEAUTIFUL name by the way!
- Stephanie

Tina said...

Debra I am so very sorry for your loss. Samuel is a very special baby and I wish he were here in your arms. Please know I am thinking of you and your family. xx

Angie Tabaczynski said...

What a very sad day. I love knowing where he is that you will see him again one day. Thinking of you and your family.
xo
angie

Andy said...

As He always has, let God take care of you. I am so sad for your loss, but Samuel is in a better place. This too, shall pass. God be with you.