Knitting for Samuel

I knit.

I learned to knit beyond your basic scarf when I was 7.5 months pregnant with Isabel and had just found out she was going to die after she was born. I had a desperate need to do something for her. To have something that I could give her.

I wanted her to know her Mama loved her and wanted her.

I have been knitting like crazy ever since.

I had been sort of 'stuck' knitting baby items before I got pregnant with Samuel. I just kept knitting and knitting little pink baby socks. I couldn't help myself. It was a little embarassing. But they were so cute and I thought maybe...maybe someday we'd have someone to wear them.

When I found out I was pregnant, I was so excited to be able to spend my pregnancy knitting for a baby we could keep. It was so fun. I knit diaper soakers in generic colors. I knit this baby sleep sack. I was really looking forward to holding him in this.

After we found out that Samuel would likely not live, then I went into overdrive again because this was it. There was only now and that would be all we had. Once again, they told me he could die at anytime in the womb, he would likely be small so there was a need to knit everything in many sizes starting with tiny.

It did give me something to do.

A way to cope.

A purpose.

I chose these buttons for Papa. My husband is a bow hunter and he would have taught Samuel to be a hunter as well.