The Long Goodnight by Matthew Smith

I first heard this song on Josh Harris' blog. His beautiful Mom just passed away this month. Before she died, she told him that Christians don't say "goodbye" but only "goodnight".



I journey forth rejoicing

From this dark vale of tears,

To heavenly joy and freedom,

From earthly bonds and fears;

Where Christ our Lord shall gather

All His redeemed again,

His kingdom to inherit.

Goodnight, goodnight till then!



Why thus so sadly weeping,

Beloved ones of my heart?

The Lord is good and gracious,

Though now He bids us part.

Oft have we met in gladness.

And we shall meet again,

All sorrow left behind us.

Goodnight, goodnight till then!



I go to see His glory,

Whom we have loved below:

I go, the blessed angels,

The holy saints to know.

Our lovely ones departed,

I go to find again,

And wait for you to join us.

Goodnight, goodnight till then!



I hear the Saviour calling,

The joyful hour has come:

The angel guards are ready

To guide me to our home,

Where Christ the Lord shall gather

All His redeemed again,

His kingdom to inherit.

Goodnight, goodnight till then!

Has God Predetermined Everything?

John Piper on God's sovereignty. (Go down and pause the music on the lower right hand column.)

"The lot is cast into the lap, But its every decision is from the LORD."  Proverbs 16:33

No small tempest

Christ In the Storm on the Sea of Galilee

Rembrandt van Rijn 1632

Streams in the Desert - April 1

"Though he slay me, yet will I trust him." (Job 13:15)

"For I know whom I have believed." (2 Timothy 1:12)

I will not doubt, though all my ships at sea
Come drifting home with broken masts and sails;
I will believe the Hand which never fails,
From seeming evil worketh good for me.
And though I weep because those sails are tattered,
Still will I cry, while my best hopes lie shattered:
'I trust in Thee.'

I will not doubt, though all my prayers return
Unanswered from the still, white realm above;
I will believe it is an all-wise love
Which has refused these things for which I yearn;
And though at times I cannot keep from grieving,
Undimmed shall burn.

I will not doubt, though sorrows fall like rain,
And troubles swarm like bees about a hive.
I will believe the heights for which I strive
Are only reached by anguish and by pain;
And though I groan and writhe beneath my crosses,
I yet shall see through my severest losses
The greater gain.

I will not doubt. Well anchored is this faith,
Like some staunch ship, my soul braves every gale;
So strong its courage that it will not quail
To breast the mighty unknown sea of death.
Oh, may I cry, though body parts with spirit,
'I do not doubts,' so listening worlds may hear it,
With my last breath."


"In fierce storms," said an old seaman, "we must do one thing; there is only one way: we must put the ship in a certain position and keep her there."

This, Christian, is what you must do. Sometimes, like Paul, you can see neither sun nor stars, and no small tempest lies on you; and then you can do but one thing; there is only one way.

Reason cannot help you; past experiences give you no light. Even prayer fetches no consolation. Only a single course is left. You must put your soul in one position and keep it there.

You must stay upon the Lord; and come what may - winds, waves, cross-seas, thunder, lightning, frowning rocks, roaring breakers - no matter what, you must lash yourself to the helm, and hold fast your confidence in God's faithfulness, His covenant engagement, His everlasting love in Christ Jesus.

- Richard Fuller

Enter the cloud

“The LORD said He would dwell in the dark cloud."

I Kings 8:12

A few months ago I was reading The Beginner's Bible to my daughter. We came to Exodus when God gave Moses the 10 Commandments on Mt. Sinai.

God called Moses up to the mountain.

He wanted to talk to Moses.

The mountain shook.

A thick cloud covered it.

There was thunder and lightning.

God had come to the mountain in the cloud.

As I read that I sat there stunned. I couldn't keep reading to my daughter. I just froze as that last sentence boomed inside of my head. GOD HAD COME TO THE MOUNTAIN IN THE CLOUD.

As I sat there frozen, this idea swirled around inside of my brain a few times and hit me smack in the face. The idea that God is in the thunder and lightning. It's exactly opposite of what I had always thought. When God comes down and is near, it can be a very scary and chaotic time.

It's stormy.

It's not always a cloudless blue sky, it can be crazy.

It's scary.

It's not what you think it will be.

I sat there and stared at that picture of the black mountain and the grey clouds and the lightning...I froze, taking it in. I realized that was us.

We were in the cloud.

 A few days later I stumbled across this picture in one of our coloring books.

Again, this image of the swirling storm, the lightning...it's a frightening image. I ripped it out and put it on my dresser. I just felt I needed to save it.

Yesterday, I stumbled upon that coloring page while I was trying to clear off the piles on my dresser. As soon as I saw it I stopped. I strained my brain because it was all coming back to me and at the same time I was putting it together with yesterday's Streams in the Desert reading.

"Moses drew near unto the thick darkness where God was."   Exodus 20:21

God has still His hidden secrets, hidden from the wise and prudent. Do not fear them; be content to accept things that you cannot understand; wait patiently. Presently He will reveal to you the treasures of darkness, the riches of the glory of the mystery. Mystery is only the veil of God's face.

Do not be afraid to enter the cloud that is settling down on your life. God is in it. The other side is radiant with His glory. "Think it not strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing has happened unto you; but rejoice, inasmuch as ye are partakers of Christ's sufferings." When you seem loneliest and most forsaken, God is nigh. He is in the dark cloud. Plunge into the blackness of it's darkness without flinching; under the shrouding curtain of His pavilion you will find God awaiting you.

Again, He is telling me to "wait patiently".

"He will reveal to you the treasures of darkness."

That struck me. We have always referred to our children as our Treasures, we call them T1, T2, T3, T4 and T5. Isabel and Samuel are our treasures of darkness.

"When you seem loneliest and most forsaken, God is nigh. He is in the dark cloud."

Oh, how forsaken we have felt these last many months, and how far God has seemed from us. Although I don't feel his smile upon us, I do take comfort in this. I know He is reaching out to comfort me and reassure me that although we are in the cloud, He is there with us.

Vineyards in the Wilderness

This is from the Streams in the Desert devotional for today, my birthday.

"I will allure her, and bring her into the wilderness…And I will give her her vineyards from thence" (Hosea 2:14-15)
A strange place to find vineyards--in the wilderness! And can it be that the riches which a soul needs can be obtained in the wilderness, which stands for a lonely place, out of which you can seldom find your way? It would seem so, and not only that, but the "Valley of Achor," which means bitterness, is called a door of hope. And she shall sing there, as in the days of her youth!
Yes, God knows our need of the wilderness experience. He knows where and how to bring out that which is enduring. The soul has been idolatrous, rebellious; has forgotten God, and with a perfect self-will has said, "I will follow after my lovers." But she did not overtake them. And, when she was hopeless and forsaken, God said, "I will allure her, and bring her into the wilderness, and speak comfortably unto her." What a loving God is ours! --Crumbs
We never know where God hides His pools. We see a rock, and we cannot guess it is the home of the spring. We see a flinty place, and we cannot tell it is the hiding place of a fountain. God leads me into the hard places, and then I find I have gone into the dwelling place of eternal springs.

Jehovah has given

A wise son makes a glad father, But a foolish son is the grief of his mother.

Proverbs 10:1

This is my oldest son, Samuel's big brother. He is a gift from God. His name means "Jehovah has given".

He has really grown up during my pregnancy with Samuel. In the early months I was so tired and slept a lot. He kept the younger ones occupied for me. But after we found out Samuel would die, he went into overdrive. I cried often and I could see he was always trying to gauge how I was doing. I would be in the kitchen wiping my eyes and catch him looking at me, to see if I was really crying or just cutting onions. Many times I wished I could hide this all from them, that they wouldn't see me cry, wouldn't see their Mama falling apart. Sometimes when I would cry, they would just stare at me, like you might look on at an accident as you drive by. It was something new and strange. Other times, they would rush to me and hug me. This son seems to have become more of a man. Now when he sees me cry he comes to me and hugs me and says, "What is it Mama?"

As much as I wanted to sheild them from the horrible reality we were experiencing...I couldn't. And although it's natural to want to hide your tears, to cry in secret, that would have been silly. Do I really want them to think that we could lose a son, their brother, and be perfectly fine and normal?

No.

I want them to know how to go through hard things. Real things. When they get older I want them to be able to say to their families, "We lost two babies and it was very hard on Papa and Mama and us kids, but God held us together, we grew closer, we cried, we leaned on God, we praised God for things we couldn't understand, we asked that He be glorified through them somehow, we read the Bible and prayed as a family. That is what we will do in this hard situation we are in. They got through it by holding onto God and we will too."

Like I said, at times I have been sad ontop of sad for the innocence they have lost, and yet, what changed people they have become, like us.

We are different.

We have all been changed.

It has all come by the Lord's gracious hand. As much as I wish this wasn't happening I don't want to change what He is doing in us, because He knows. He knows so much better than we.

And I trust Him more.

More than the pain.

This son whom we call "T1" which stands for Treasure One (our first treasure) has also grown to love and appreciate his little sister more, if that is even possible. We have loved this little girl from the moment we met her and have greatly enjoyed our days with her. But this son has learned what a miracle a healthy baby is. One day a few months ago, he looked at his sister and told me, "She is growing up so fast. I will know Mama. I'll know to hold my babies."

The day after she was born, he came into my room and said, "Mama, I just want to say thank you. Thank you for having her. I just thought that I should say that." That was the nicest thing I think anyone has ever said to me. It was so sweet, that he would say thank you for carrying her and giving birth to her because he loved and enjoyed her so much after one day. He was seven at the time.

When everyone came in to see Samuel after he was born, they all crowded around Papa who was holding him. It was such a sad, sad moment. It was very quiet, no happy squeals or people oodling over his fingers and toes, only sober faces and hushed voices.

It's not for wimps.

The people that were there for us, had to go through it all with us...twice. And I can tell you, it's a whole lotta no fun. Dad, Mom, Laura, Desiree, Dawna and Renee had to walk into that hospital room knowing what they were going to face.

Heartbroken people...and a sweet little dead baby.

I felt bad for them too.

Papa asked if the kids wanted to hold him, my oldest said yes right away. It was his baby too. It seemed he knew it was something he should do, he was doing what Papa did.

He sat there looking at him for a moment, then he broke down.

You were a brave boy Son...both times.

The day I realized I hadn't felt Samuel moving and was going to the birth center to have Desiree listen for his heartbeat I pulled him aside and told him the truth about what we were doing. He simply nodded at me and said, "Okay."

On the drive we were listening to the dramatized audio version of John Bunyan's book, Christiana. He was sitting in the front seat beside me. There is a saying that is said often in this audio, they say "The bitter must come before the sweet." When it was said, he looked at me and nodded. He didn't want me to miss the truth in it. He was always trying to help me to see God in the midst of this trial.

The night we came home from the hospital, my husband put the boys to bed. I heard sobs from the bedroom. T1 had said to my husband, "I wanted to see his first birthday. I wanted to see him grow up."

It hit me.

He feels like we do.

It was his little brother that he had hopes and dreams for too.

God is grooming him to be a great Papa someday.

I was driving in the car by myself the other day. Thinking and crying about Samuel. I was thinking about what a helper this son has been during our time with Samuel. What a blessing. What a gift...when it hit me like a ton of bricks.

His name!

Jehovah has given him...to us...to show His love for us.

He is his name.

A loving gift that made me cry all over again in gratefulness to God.

Faith that endures

The heart can only rest upon and enjoy the blessed truth of the absolute sovereignty of God as faith is in exercise. Faith is ever occupied with God. That is the character of it; that is what differentiates it from intellectual theology.

Faith endures "as seeing Him who is invisible" (Heb. 11:27); endures the disappointments, the hardships, and the heart-aches of life, by recognizing that all comes from the hand of Him who is too wise to err and too loving to be unkind.

But so long as we are occupied with any other object than God Himself, there will be neither rest for the heart nor peace for the mind. But when we receive all that enters our lives as from His hand, then, no matter what may be our circumstances or surroundings, whether in a hovel or prison-dungeon, or at a martyr's stake, we shall be enabled to say, "The lines are fallen unto me in pleasant places" (Ps. 16:6).

But that is the language of faith, not of sight nor of sense.

But if instead of bowing to the testimony of Holy Writ, if instead of walking by faith, we follow the evidence of our eyes, and reason therefrom, we shall fall into a quagmire of virtual atheism.

Or, if we are regulated by the opinions and views of others, peace will be at an end.

Granted that there is much in this world of sin and suffering which appals and saddens us; granted that there is much in the providential dealings of God which startle and stagger us; that is no reason why we should unite with the unbelieving worldling who says, "If I were God, I would not allow this or tolerate that."

Better far, in the presense of bewildering mystery, to say with one of old, "I was dumb, I opened not my mouth; because Thou didst it" (Ps. 39:9). Scripture tells us that God's judgments are "unsearchable," and His ways "past finding out" (rom. 11:33).

It must be so if faith is to be tested, confidence in His wisdom and righteousness strengthened, and submission to His holy will fostered.


The above excerpt is from The Sovereignty of God by A.W. Pink. It was first published in 1928. I love this book! I bought it used off ebay and it is packed with so much wisdom. I highly recommend it. You can print the entire book free online here or purchase the audio verision and listen while you do dishes. It's deep reading. I can't read much at one time. I have probably read over this portion (above) between 10 and 20 times.


This passage is so true, the only thing that has brought me comfort and peace is (as Pink puts it) recognizing that all comes from the hand of Him who is too wise to err and too loving to be unkind

Oh, the depth of the riches both of the wisdom and knowledge of God!

How unsearchable are His judgments and His ways past finding out!


For who has known the mind of the LORD?


Or who has become His counselor?


Or who has first given to Him


And it shall be repaid to him?


For of Him and through Him and to Him


are all things, to whom be glory forever.


Amen.


Romans 11:33-36