Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Thinking of you

I'm thinking of you tonight Samuel.

It's hard to believe I had a baby less than two months ago and here I am again, going on with life 'as usual'. No baby carrier with you in my shopping cart. I see little ones and my eyes linger over them, comparing them to you. Would you be older? If you had lived, would my baby be that size or bigger?

It feels so wrong.

I miss you.

I miss life when it was normal. I could carelessly take so much for granted.

It was fun to look forward to you, before we knew that you too, would leave us. So many daydreams I entertained Little One. Of you and me, me holding you, Papa holding you, the kids holding get the idea. There was a lot of love that was to be lavished upon you.


There still is.

Like I said, I'm thinking of you tonight Samuel. And missing you.

1 comment:

Big James said...

All sorts of things I would like to say. I also don't want to say anything glib. This may sound odd, but I am proud of you. The strength you are living with day to day must be incredible. Here is a video that moved me when I saw it. It made me think of you. I am assuming that you have seen this.

Have a wonderful Christmas. God's grace is with you.

James Jones