Isabel Hope: Why do I knit?

Friday, June 8, 2007

Why do I knit?

Why do I knit? I have been knitting quite a bit lately. And the worst part is...I don't really know how to knit. Okay, I'm making a real effort to learn right quick.

Somehow it makes me feel like I can show Isabel that her Mama loves her by knitting something for her. That she won't be wearing generic socks from Target or something that just anyone can buy for $4.99. Something made especially for her. It's something I can actually DO while waiting for this dreaded event to take place.

Why can't I stop at just one hat or one pair of socks?

Well...it's hard to decide what the one pair of socks should be that your baby will ever wear. Actually, it's torture.

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Summary

Our family was excitedly expecting our 4th baby and planning another homebirth like all the rest when an ultrasound at 7.5 months showed Isabel had no kidneys. This is called Bi-Lateral Renal Agenesis or Potter's Syndrome. A baby with no kidneys does not urinate, therefore there is no amniotic fluid. The amniotic fluid is what the baby breathes in and out of the lungs, which also develops the lungs and prepares them for breathing air. We were told there was no possibility that Isabel would live after birth. Her lungs would not function. So we prayed and waited for Isabel to be born. We did not know how long she would live.

Our 5th baby, Samuel, was stillborn October 21, 2009 due to Trisomy 13.

How to Cope

Grieving parents may feel a sense of emptiness for weeks, months or years after experiencing their loss. The grief felt over losing a baby through premature birth or from a fatal birth defect is one of the most intense. All parents must feel free to express their love for the baby they have lost. Some of the difficult and painful aspects of grieving for the loss of a baby are listed here:

Engorgement and milk in the breasts can be a painful physical reminder for a mother that she has no baby to nurse.

Fathers need opportunities to express their grief in their own way. It is important to realize that each individual grieves differently.

Parents often need assistance in talking with their other children about the baby's death.

Grandparents often grieve for their grandchild, and may also find it difficult to deal with the pain of their children.

Family members and friends often find it hard to talk about the baby, and inappropriate remarks may cause further grief.

Seeing pregnant women and babies is often painful for months after the loss of a baby.

Anniversaries of the baby's birth and death often bring back parents' feelings of grief and loss.

From http://www.empty-cradles.com/infantloss.htm