Isabel Hope: June 2009

Monday, June 22, 2009

Happy Birthday Isabel - 2 years

I shall go to him, but he shall not return to me.
2 Samuel 12:22

Happy Birthday Isabel.

This year on your birthday I can feel happy for you that you have spent 2 of our years in Heaven. I can feel glad for you and less sad for me.

You are missed here.

Your sister would love to have a little sister to take care of. I see it more and more everyday as I watch her mother her dollies. She would have been a big helper to you and me.

She knows you are her sister. She talks about how you are in Heaven. She used to pray that God would send you to us, but now I think she knows we will one day go to you.

You are missed sweet daughter, by us all. There will always be an empty chair at our table meant for you.

All my love,

Mama

Summary

Our family was excitedly expecting our 4th baby and planning another homebirth like all the rest when an ultrasound at 7.5 months showed Isabel had no kidneys. This is called Bi-Lateral Renal Agenesis or Potter's Syndrome. A baby with no kidneys does not urinate, therefore there is no amniotic fluid. The amniotic fluid is what the baby breathes in and out of the lungs, which also develops the lungs and prepares them for breathing air. We were told there was no possibility that Isabel would live after birth. Her lungs would not function. So we prayed and waited for Isabel to be born. We did not know how long she would live.

Our 5th baby, Samuel, was stillborn October 21, 2009 due to Trisomy 13.

How to Cope

Grieving parents may feel a sense of emptiness for weeks, months or years after experiencing their loss. The grief felt over losing a baby through premature birth or from a fatal birth defect is one of the most intense. All parents must feel free to express their love for the baby they have lost. Some of the difficult and painful aspects of grieving for the loss of a baby are listed here:

Engorgement and milk in the breasts can be a painful physical reminder for a mother that she has no baby to nurse.

Fathers need opportunities to express their grief in their own way. It is important to realize that each individual grieves differently.

Parents often need assistance in talking with their other children about the baby's death.

Grandparents often grieve for their grandchild, and may also find it difficult to deal with the pain of their children.

Family members and friends often find it hard to talk about the baby, and inappropriate remarks may cause further grief.

Seeing pregnant women and babies is often painful for months after the loss of a baby.

Anniversaries of the baby's birth and death often bring back parents' feelings of grief and loss.

From http://www.empty-cradles.com/infantloss.htm